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lady · lights · a · cigarette, · puffs · away

and forgets.....

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new lj, please add.
i want all the same friends.
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God, I’m so tired of those damn country songs, even though I’m listening to one
I really wish too much, it’s not good for me
I can’t find anything intelligent to say to you
Maybe we should just take a break
Even though I never even got the job
I’m so sick of this
I’m young and in love…..
……with life.
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I have found myself in the past few months writing to the same song, the same temperature, the same feelings, and the same words. I am constantly reading over everything thing i write, wondering if it will do more than suffice.

I have rediscovered everything i have ever once thought of. I am sitting in a horror film when i start to think. god damn my random mind. I begin to curse at myself for everything i've ever once done wrong. I decide to change, yet again. I find my desires, catch them, lock them into a jar; my thoughts. Then they are a part of me, and i am suddenly more stressed than ever. I am now trying my best to snap my attention back to the film, the ones everyone is seemingly screaming at. I'm screaming, you just can't hear me.

Then my attention switches towards a couple, they hold hands, they kiss, they laugh, and the girl rests her head on him.....the regular. Here it comes; desire. We all have the power to desire things, and we all do.

The movie is ending and i have gotten nowhere.
My hair is messy from the seat.
I feel like a over obsessed writer.
I never stop thinking.
My thoughts are never changed.
Just displaced.

We are now walking around a teenage crazy town, and i hate it because they are to stubborn to learn how to act civilized. I get in a car, and think some more.

i come home, and post this
and now you are thinking to yourself
what am i thinking about?


How every time i try to give, the world takes.
How i am so happy
and so sad
Why we strive love
Why we desire for things

& i write a ongoing essay in my mind about a simple big city girl from seattle that refuses to learn how to just be free.

I just want to break free
i don't know how to write tonight.

i will succumb my desires.
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I was given heaps and heaps of words to work with in my life, and none of them are going to suffice. They just dodge around my head, speeding. I can't catch them, because my emotions and my feelings are always altering. My grasp has no luck with words. I awoke to a pleasant feeling. We all walk with our minds, and tongues are the one thing we have complete control over.
I am constantly trying to impress this world, and everyone in it. I am always loving someone, or trying to at least. I have a problem with controlling my emotions; I simply cannot.
Maybe in the future you can read my mind, and maybe you'll understand me.
their voices just aren't loud enough.

i want to be a writer that falls in love, learns lessons, experiences change, and struggles. I want to tell a story of pain, and hurt, lust and love. I want to be inspired by the inspired. I want to experiment with styles, food, languages, and my variety of interests.
i want you to read my text, and tell me your opinions
i will be that writer.
i will not press the delete key.

i will pour.
i'll be the best.
i will act, and show my good talents.

i'm not ready to complain about a life i haven't even half lived yet.
the future is our hope.

you already know how this will end.
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I will continue with a simple nod, and agree with every single word they say. I will learn to love them even though they are deficient people. I will slightly feel bad for them when they screw up. I will comfort them when they need it. My statements are un surely spoken. When i am breathing i am in a state of uncertainty. When i am not; well i always am. Everyday i think, and wonder what life would be like if i actually fulfilled the impossible. I want to discover something greater than what i visualize. I know how to give, and love. I know how to act; i'd say that's a sensible thing. My dreams are shocking. They even shock me, when i know my heart can only take so much desire. My dreams are never the same, they alter in everyday of fluster.
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disregard anything i have ever written
because i am a new writer
a new person
a new heart


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stupid video blogs.
Current Mood:
cold cold
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i recently have fallen out of love.
one night;
it only took one night to realize i never was in the first place.'

and i discovered something better.
Current Mood:
content content
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come come words; let loose.
now i'm walking in a crowd, not afraid, not nervous, not excited.
i come to a conclusion that no matter how many times i tell myself how much i want soemthing,i fail to bring myself happieness.
dont we all dream of things so unfortunate. time passes and our hope is lost; because time steals everything from you, and at the same time it gives you so much.



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I am seen in a dream,


my writers block is killing me.
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